Did I ever think about looking for my biological family when I was younger? The short of the long of it is that “no,” I never really did. I knew that they were out there. I knew that it was something that I needed to deal with at some point in my life. But I never made an active search. Or should I say, I never actively thought about searching for them. To me it was one of those “rare” feats that I didn’t believe would ever come true. I’ve talked to many adoptees in the past who have had pretty disappointing and negative experiences with the search, so I was happily content with not wanting to search. Or think about searching.
But then a few months came before I was about to head to Korea for the International Korean Adoptee Association summit and I had “what if” moment. I thought….what if this is the last chance I ever have to look. I thought…what if this is the last time I visit Korea for a very long time. I thought….what if they actually are out there? I just need to look?
It was after that brief moment and some consultation with friends and community members that I decided “what the hell, why not?” I had made my peace with the idea that it might not happen and that I was ready for the inevitable not being able to be reunited. I started the search and contacted my adoption agency. It was relatively simple. Just fill out some paperwork and sit back and wait. Simple, right?
And then I waited. And waited….
AND – actually didn’t have to wait really that long at all. We were about a little over a month to going to Korea when I found out. It had been about 3 months since we first started the search and I received an amazing email that said they had connected with whom they said was my biological mother. Then about a week later I get an email saying that not only did she exist, but she was still married to my biological father, that I had a younger sister, and finally that I had an identical twin brother that I never knew about. Crazy right? I could write paragraph upon paragraph about that just that one evening I found out. But I’ll save you from those details. We’ll just say I had a heavy night of thinking.
I recognize just how lucky and special that this particular instance is within the context of how this type of search usually turns out. This rarely happens. And when it does – it should have taken months…if not years before they wanted to meet me again. But I got lucky again, and they agreed to meet me when I was making my travels to Korea.
Everything worked out. I can’t say that about anything else in my life. But everything really just worked out. We got to Korea, I met them about a day into arriving. And had the good fortune to be able to see them several times when I was there.
And I got to know my twin. And see what it means to see…another version of you. It’s insane right? But it worked out. And I’m lucky to have met him and have him and the family in my life.
Now it’s all about…what’s next. But we’ll save that for another blog entry…
I need to stop and think at how crazy this is all sounding
It’s only been a month and already I have been doubting
Already I have forgotten, not on purpose, but I confess
I have allowed myself to get back to how it was before we met
And it was easy, it’ll grow easier, the longer time escapes
Is this something that you fear, or something you haven’t faced
And if you never see my face, are you prepared for this
if we can never communicate then can we persist
These are very real questions, I doubt we’ll ever answer
But it is what it has to be if we ever have a chance here
—- afterwords: - DANakaDAN – “Stuntman” Album